Today – 3.5 easy. Was supposed to be a rest day, but I needed to run. Felt – well, it felt like a run.

RBF, can I be honest here? At this point, I’m completely racked with doubt that I’m going to be able to complete either marathon, let alone both. The pain I’ve had in the left foot has really taken a lot out of me, and the inability to stick to the long run schedule is frustrating me something fierce. The blister is just icing on the freakin’ cake. I’ve got a 20 miler scheduled this weekend; I HAVE to do it or else I might just have to hang it up. But right now I’m really, really feeling low; hating running. I hate the pain, hate the rut, hate the chafing, hate the hunger, hate the random stiffness, hate the restlessness on days I don’t run, and hate the self loathing into which I fall when I don’t run. Hate it hate it hate it. Bleh.

On the plus side – wow. Fall. I love being outside. And I love running in the fall. And, frankly, when I’m actually running, I still kind of like the running.

Four more weeks, Billy. Four more weeks.

I am, however, switching Sundays or Mondays to cycling.

8 thoughts on “Bile”

  1. Yes, be honest here. Thanks for writing the way you do, because sharing this process in an honest way is the only way it’s meaningful. And good for you for appreciating the fall in all of this. :)

    (PS: I had to take a second look at the title … at first I thought it said “Bill.”

  2. You write like a cyclist who sometimes runs. I am a
    runner who occasionally cycles. I like it, but it’s
    not my main thing. And that ankle doesn’t sound so

    I dunno – maybe ask yourself why you are trying so hard,
    the enthusiasm seems missing. But I’m just playing along
    at home. :-)

  3. I totally hear you. We must be on the same, “I hate running” schedule. When will it all end? I am looking forward to being able to just RUN outside in the gorgeous fall weather…and not feeling horrible about myself when I decide to take a nice walk through the park instead.

  4. jank, what is really the motivation for running these two races? think about your overall well being, your family, your stress levels, your joy. do these two races really fit into that big picture?

    i would go so far as to say, cut your losses. spend some more time on your bike. put in the occassional trail run for pure joy sake, rather than for training. forget the races and recapture your joy.

    i’m giving you permission. =)

  5. Marathon training is a horrendous beast. It’s so much more than just “running”. It really is about pain and exhaustion and nagging injuries that never quite go away. The shorter distances don’t exact nearly the same cost.

    As jeff said, maybe it’s time to recalculate your reasons for running the two marathons. Given that you have a better handle on the cost now than you did way back when (and you never really know the cost until you’re paying it), is it time to change your plans?

    You can succeed at running a marathon. Cut back on pace, mix in some more cycling to give your injuries more time to heal between runs. Arrange for some physio, massage time, or ART. On the surface, so much of what you describe sounds like everyone’s first marathon assault, so take heart in the fact that you’re not alone.

    Still, if the injury(s) is/are serious, or if the personal cost is more than you bargained for, there is no shame in scrambling your current plans, and dreaming up new ones for next year.

    Good luck, however you decide.

  6. Ditto Jeff and Warren. Hating running is not what we’re here for. If it’s not feeling right, then stop. Rest. Regroup. Do what feels right and reschedule your racing plans for when you’re ready to train fully and with no lingering injuries. Mystic Places isn’t Boston or New York.
    Hey, I’ll put you up in February if you want to run Gasparilla in Tampa. It’s a half and a full on the same day. Take your pick.

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