Thanks, everyone, for the comments, thoughts, and encouragement after my rant yesterday. It’s appreciated.
The internet’s a funny beast. Shifts things from finely shaded to black and or white. I’ll admit, I’m struggling. And there wasn’t anything I said yesterday that I wasn’t feeling right then, at that moment.
What was completely not captured, though, was the love of the struggle. The joy in the fight.
I’ve been reading the Illiad lately (another thing I’ve started more times than I can count, and cannot wait to finish. Picked up BN’s pocket-sized version. Not a stunning translation, but I keep it in my satchel.), and am struck with parallels with my marathon experience. Both the Trojans and Greeks held nothing but loathing for the 10 year struggle they were engaged in; but both were determined to see the task to completion regardless of the cost. The honor to be had was not in the victory, but in the fight.
Running is truly taking a toll on me. I won’t lie. But I’m fighting the good fight, which is all that I can ask of myself.
The rant yesterday – again, all heartfelt. But it was also driven by one of my frequent problem solving techniques: Focus. Focus on what needs to change. Focus on what needs to go away. Focus on the task at hand and it will get done. Not very zen, not very holistic, not sunshine and lollipops, and not my favorite way to get things done. But it works.
My motivation at this time is to finish Mystic Places with my little brother. He’s making the trip up, I’ve always wanted to say I’m a marathoner, and it’s something I’ve tried and failed at before. Call it a dragon what needs slaying.
Overall wellbeing – much better served by getting this monkey off my back, chalk it up to experience, and soldier on. I really, really appreciate the “outs”, but I’ve got a long track record of starting things I don’t finish. Leaving that part of my psyche behind has been my focus for 2005; 26.2 is as symbolic as anything.
Liz is right on – knowing that there are others out there going through the same struggle is priceless. And that’s a huge comfort to me – misery loving company and all.
So, again, thanks. The comments help more than can be expressed – well, probably ever. The other blogs help, too (misery loving company, etc). I can still do this. I will still do this.
The joy lies in the struggle.